Getting a puppy is an exciting time, especially if you are a first time puppy parent. I bet while you were waiting to bring home your puppy you thought about what it would be like to live with them. Maybe you were dreaming of puppy cuddles and kisses or a sweet playful puppy who adores you? Why wouldn’t you? Puppies portrayed on TV always seem to be so well behaved. But the reality of living with a puppy can be very different from what we see on TV. When this happens people can get the “Puppy Blues”.
What Are the Puppy Blues?
You may have heard the term puppy blues in the past, but not known what it meant. Or maybe you are feeling overwhelmed or regret and don’t understand why. The most common reason the puppy blues happen is when life with your puppy doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would. This can affect everyone differently. For some people they may feel sad, depressed or lonely, others may feel anxious or overwhelmed. It’s not unusual to want to cry. You may feel like your life will never be the same as it was before the puppy. Some will feel regret and want to return the puppy. Others still will start to have second thoughts about whether they were ready to get a puppy in the first place.
Whatever you are feeling know that you are not alone. Those first couple of weeks is the hardest but it does get better.
What Causes the Puppy Blues?
So you may be wondering what causes the puppy blues. After all you were so excited to get your new puppy. So what changed? The causes will differ by person but the most common reasons are:
- First time they are responsible for another life. Young puppies are like babies, they need a lot of care in the first few weeks. This can be very stressful when it is new.
- Unrealistic expectations of life with a puppy. Even if you did your research, chances are you probably didn’t get an accurate picture of what it’s like to care for a puppy.
- Sleep Deprivation – It’s common for puppies to cry the first few nights in their new home. Plus they can’t hold their bladder for more than a few hours at night. All this translates into sleepless nights for the first couple of weeks.
More contributing factors
- Potty training issues – For first-time puppy parents potty training can be hard. Check out our post on How to potty train a puppy fast
- Financial commitments – Between puppy supplies and the cost of vaccines, puppies can be expensive in their first year.
- Behavioral Issues – Puppies don’t come trained, but with some help you can train your own puppy. Here are some tips on how to train a puppy
- Damage caused by puppy – The best thing you can do for you and your puppy is to provide him with a safe place to play. I recommend using an exercise pen that attaches to a crate.
- Feeling like you can’t bond with your puppy- You might feel like you are unable to feel close to your puppy. Just remember that bonding does take time.
- Increased workload – There is no denying that puppies take a lot of work in the beginning. But it does get better
- Dog/child interaction – There is nothing sweeter that a child and their dog but during the puppy biting stage the two don’t necessarily get along.
- Loss of freedom – When puppies are young, they need a lot of attention.
Can You Get Puppy Blues?
Absolutely! I know I did the first week we brought home our puppy. Since this was not my first puppy as an adult, I thought I knew everything I needed to know about taking care of a puppy. But our previous dog, Molly was 4 months old when we brought her home. Although she was still a puppy we missed a lot of the early puppy behaviors, like chewing on everything and biting us all the time. Plus with Molly, it was just my husband and me in the house. This time around we had two school aged kids to care for too.
The funny thing is we chose to get a puppy because we were hoping it would help with some of the stress our family was feeling. We had read that dogs were great stress relievers for kids. I can tell you the first few weeks of Bella living with us were anything but stress free. I worried about everything.
How Long Do the Puppy Blues Last?
This really depends on the person, but the blues should go away once you are able to gain some control over the situation. Generally the first two or three weeks are the hardest. This is when you are getting little sleep and you are still working on potty training. After the first three weeks your puppy should be going to sleep without crying. They may even be able to sleep about 4 hours in a row.
When Do Puppies Get Easier?
By the time your puppy is 6 months old they should be fairly easy to live with. But that doesn’t mean they are hard to live with all the time before then. As with children, puppies reach developmental milestones as they grow up. With each milestone they attain your puppy will be easier to handle.
First three weeks
The first three weeks your puppy is with you is always the hardest. During this time they are adjusting to a new home, with new people and rules. They are learning what is acceptable and what is not. It is very important during this time to be consistent with your training. By the end of the first three weeks your puppy should be going to sleep at night without crying. This is your first big hurtle to overcome with your puppy and once you are there life gets a little bit easier.
Three months old
By the time they are three months they should know to go potty outside. Although they may still have an accident on occasion it should be the exception, not the norm. They should also know basic commands like sit, stay, come and leave it. Once you hit these milestones, life with your puppy will get a lot easier. If you are having a hard time potty training your puppy check out these potty training mistakes people make.
Four months old
When they are 4 months old they should have all their puppy vaccinations. This means you can start taking them out with you. This new found freedom to get out of the house will be a big relief for you and your pup.
Six months old
According to PetMD somewhere between 4 and 6 months old your puppy will go through getting their adult teeth. During this time the puppy may bite a lot making them difficult to be around. But by 6 month the biting and nipping should stop.
Six to 12 months
This is the time puppies go through their teenage years. During this time they may chose not to listen to you, but it does get better.
One Year
By the time they turn one they should be the dog you always knew they could be.
How to Handle the Puppy Blues
As I mentioned above I also had the puppy blues. I wasn’t completely sold on getting another dog in the first place. Then I became the main person to train our new puppy since I was the one that grew up with dogs. This increased the pressure I was already feeling about caring for this small helpless creature. In order to cope I had to come up with a plan that would work for everyone. I will let you in on my secrets to dealing with the puppy blues.
1. Manage your expectations
First you need to manage your expectations. In fact, instead of thinking how wonderful it will be to have a puppy think about the worst case scenario. This way when reality hits everything will seem easier.
But seriously all puppies bite and chew. Their sharp puppy teeth really hurt and can even draw blood. Plus they often don’t want to eat the first day; they run around the house, don’t listen to you and have accidents. They rarely come trained and they can’t understand what you are saying.
Oh, and did I mention that they eat stuff that is not food? Our puppy had a thing for the plastic caps on the milk bottles. She loved chewing them. No matter how hard I tried to keep them from her, she always seems to find them.
Curious about want other dogs have chewed? Check out the post Crazy Things that Dogs will Chew
But if you are prepared for all this then you can manage the bad behaviors a little easier.
Do yourself a favor and get an exercise pen. If you are planning to crate train get one that attaches to their crate. Keeping your puppy safe and away from anything they can destroy will help keep your sanity. Also be prepared with age appropriate chews and a plan on how you will handle the biting. You can see how we handled it in our post How to Stop a Puppy from Biting.
2. Limit where your puppy can roam
I touched on this above already but you should limit where your puppy can roam until they are completely trust worthy. This will cut down on a lot of their bad behaviors and also your stress. We used gates to keep our puppy in the kitchen with us. This allowed us to keep an eye on her and make sure there was nothing that could harm her. Plus it keeps the messes in a confided, easy to clean place. As I mentioned above you can also use an exercise pen.
3. Share the work
I am very thankful that my husband took on a large share of the work to take care of Bella. During the first few nights when Bella would not sleep he was the one sleeping on the floor in the kitchen next to her. That allowed the rest of the family to get some sleep. I in turn watched over her during the day. If possible, enlist someone to help care for the puppy.
4. Take a break
When you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, make sure to take a break from your puppy. Or better yet schedule nap times for your puppy. Puppies need down time too throughout the day. Place puppies in their crate for an hour or two to get some sleep. During this time take a walk or something else that will relax you.
If it’s not nap time and you need a break take them out for a walk in the yard or other safe place. Dogs love to smell and explore stuff. Your puppy will be too occupied by the sights and sound to misbehave. Plus the exercise will do wonders for their mood.
Another option is to enlist a family member, friend or even a pet sitter to spend time with your puppy so you can take a break.
5. Seek out puppy training advice
If you are having trouble training your puppy, consider taking them to puppy kindergarten. Puppy kindergarten is a training classes geared for puppies. The dog trainer will teach you how to train your puppy. Plus it’s a safe and easy way to socialize your puppy with other dogs and for you to talk with other puppy parents.
6. Talk to someone
What’s the old saying ‘Misery loves company.” This is so true. Find a friend who will listen to you about your puppy issues without judgement.
Or seek out other puppy owners. While your puppy-less friends might not understand what you are going through other puppy parents will. If all else fails check out new puppy parent support groups on Facebook.
If talking to someone is not your thing start a journal to document the journey. This is a great way to look back and see all you have accomplished.
7. Celebrate the successes
This brings us to celebrating your successes. Not every day will be perfect but if you celebrate the good days it makes the not so good days bearable.
8. Get some sleep
Don’t expect your puppy to settle in the first night. Although some may settle down quickly most will miss their previous homes. Be compassionate and think about how your puppy might be feeling. Oh and forget about crate training the first few nights. Your puppy needs to know you will be there to protect them while they sleep. Although I don’t suggest that you have your puppy sleep with you in bed (unless this is what you want going forward). Do try to come up with a sleeping arrangement that keeps your puppy safe and close to you. This will enable you both to get a good night’s sleep.
When you are ready to start crate training check out our post on Crate Training A Puppy – Made Easy, How to Crate Train a Puppy: 10 Mistakes to Avoid and Puppy Crying in the Crate at Night? How to Make it Stop
9. Create a routine with naps included
Puppies train best when they have a routine. Puppies can’t tell time but the can learn that after a walk it’s time to take a nap. If you follow the same routine every day they will quickly learn what is expected of them. When deciding on your schedule make sure to schedule two nap times. Plan the naps for one in the morning and one in the afternoon for about 2 hours each. Naps should follow some type of exercise, food and time outside so they will be ready for the nap.
10. Remind yourself it will get better
When things get tough remember that this is only temporary. Your puppy will learn to sleep through the night. They will stop chewing on all your stuff and they will learn to potty outside. The great thing about puppies is they grow up fast. Which means the issues you are having today will get better in a month or so.
11. Seek professional help
Sometimes you just need a little extra help to deal with the blues. If the stress becomes more then you can deal with, make sure to seek out a professional. They will have the knowledge and experience to help you.
Can a dog smile? Many Dog Trainers and Animal Behaviorists will tell you that dogs cannot smile, at least not in the true sense of a smile. But I am not so sure they are correct. Check out why I think some dogs can smile.
Puppy Socialization
Don’t forget about socializing your puppy. To learn more about the benefits of puppy socialization check out these posts:
Michelle & The Paw Pack says
Great post! My now senior dog was my first ever puppy. I remember how overwhelmed I felt after bringing him home. I had waited SO long for him, and he was amazing, but he was so much work. I don’t think I slept a full night for like 3 weeks after bringing him home. I remember at one point crying to my boyfriend telling him I didn’t think I could handle the puppy. Now, 11+ years later, I can’t even imagine my life without that “puppy”. Luckily when we got our second pup, 6 year after our first, things went a lot more smoothly. I think it was mostly because I knew, realistically, what to expect the second time around.
Bonnie says
It’s definitely easier after you have gone through it once. While I was going through it I couldn’t imagine getting another puppy. But now I keep thinking about it.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Missy Zane says
Interesting post. I’m a cat person and have never had a puppy, but it sort of sounds like getting used to a human baby!
Britt K says
Great advice! I think that the biggest favour you can do for yourself is to have realistic expectations. Puppies on tv and in the movies are often these little well-behaved balls of fur. It creates this feeling that anything short of a perfect is a sign that you are doing something wrong. I think every new puppy owner needs to read this!
Bonnie says
Thank you for the kind words. I agree that people set themselves up for failure due to unrealistic expectations.
Emilia says
All of that is one reason I know I’m not meant for dogs. Have kittens is hard but easier than dogs. The dog we had growing up was crazy!!! She was so wild. Really we shouldn’t have gotten her, my father was experienced with dogs but he was working. My mother had no experience with dogs but was stuck taking care of this wild animal lol. Bad breed choice too – our 6 month old Norwegian Elkhound was nothing like the 11 year old one my dad’s friend had lol.
Bonnie says
Choosing the right breed is half the battle. Even if you are adopting a mixed breed puppy you should try to find a one with breeds that match your lifestyle.
Thanks for stopping by!
Beth says
Puppies are adorable, but they are a lot of work! Having realistic expectations does make it easier.
7 years ago we adopted a dog who was about 4-5 years old. Everything was so much easier, that I decided my days of getting a puppy were probably behind me.
Sweet Purrfections says
Great post! I remember how I felt when I brought Truffle home as a kitten. It had been almost 15 years since I had had a kitten in the house. The adjustment was rough at first, but then I enjoyed the antics of a little kitten in the home.
Stéphanie says
Sorry for my English, I use Google translate 🙂
I will thank you, today I cried for 4 hours, thinking I am a bad person because I want to give my puppy back, because I was sure I was finally a cat person, and I felt so alone … My mother is talking to a woman this afternoon and she is talking about puppy blues .. Now I’m really better, I have found hope that everything will be better with Appia, my little girl 🙂
Bonnie says
Hi Stephanie,
Hang in there. I went through it too. In fact many people do. But the great thing about puppies is that they grow up fast. For most puppies they settle down in the first 6 months they are living with you. By a year they may still have a lot of energy but are trained.
Congratulations on the new Puppy!
Bonnie
Kendra says
I am really struggling with the puppy blues right now. I visited the humane society not expecting to own a pet but ended up adopting a 2 month old puppy. I walked away with a puppy wondering why I decided to take her home. I am very excited about having puppy time and we have already started a good routine. It has only been three days but it is very easy to potty train her and she is very smart. However, I did not realize until after the papers were signed that she was part Husky (she is a catahoula) and that I did not know what type of breed I was getting into. I am a person who loves to travel and has severe anxiety and I do not believe that her future energy level will meet my lifestyle needs. I am confused and scared about what to do with her. My family and friends are isolating me into believing she cannot be rehomed and I feel very trapped by owning a pet.
Bonnie says
Hi Kendra,
Let me start by saying that you are not the only person to go to a shelter and get talked into adopting a dog. It happened to me too. I was just looking to see what the process was. At the time I was moving and not ready for a dog. They talked me into adopting an adult dog that had behavior issues. On one hand, he was easier than a puppy because he was at least housetrained. But after a few days of living with him, I understood why he was in a shelter. Did I mention that he had already been adopted and returned to the shelter once before? Someday I will turn that story into a post too.
What made it easier for me was knowing that they would take him back. Most shelters/rescues have a clause in their contract that states you must return the dog to them if you decide you are unable to keep them.
Each day I would talk to my sister about whether I should keep him or take him back. Each day I decided to give him a little more time. After a couple of months and dog training classes, we all settled down and he became a great dog.
Since you already have a schedule and potty training is going well, it sounds like you are off to a great start.
But I do understand the feeling of being trapped. Having a dog does change things. For me the good outweighs the bad. In the end only you can decide what is best for you.
I wish you all the best,
Bonnie
Dee says
I’m struggling with puppy blues right now. It set in the moment I brought my puppy home. I was so excited for him and had been wanting a pup for a long time. I researched training guides, read books, watched training videos, spent time with other young pups, etc and I thought I was ready to raise a pup alone. But the emotional shift I experienced the same day i brought him home was crazy. I found myself crying so much and just having so much anxiety. I didnt understand why I was feeling the way I was until I read this. It’s almost 1 week since I’ve had him and I still find myself crying at times, feeling sad and anxious. I’ve talked to my friends about how I felt, did deep breathing exercises to try and calm myself down. Reading articles like these and hearing other people’s experiences really helps me think there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Bonnie says
Hi Dee,
You are not alone with these feelings. It’s scary to think about taking care of another living being. It’s even harder when they cannot understand you yet.
It sounds like you did all your research but it’s never the same as when you have that little puppy in front of you.
Try getting into a routine if you haven’t already. It helped me feel in control and helped my puppy learn what was expected of them. Also I limited where she could roam. Knowing she was in a safe place helped with my stress.
There is a Facebook group called New Puppy and Dog Owners Advice and Support Group. It’s not my group, but you will find many people in the group that have gone through the puppy blues.
Thank you for taking the time to write a comment.
Good luck! Puppies do get easier as they mature.
Bonnie
Gargi says
I am feeling puppy blues right now, I adopted a 2.5 month old puppy as I thought I was finally in a good mental state to do so after 2 years of therapy and that I would be able to take care of her since I always went and fed and played with the strays and knew I was responsible enough. But the blues set it the moment I got her from the shelter, I didn’t cry with happiness which I usually would have done. I am okay with the accidents inside the house but she keeps biting and lunging at me and jumping on my bed and biting me when I look at her I don’t feel any love, I just feel afraid to even be in my house and I feel really guilty and I cry everyday which just takes me back to the time I was extremely depressed and am afraid if I can do this, or in all honesty if I want to.
Bonnie says
Hi Gargi,
Congratulations on the new puppy. It sounds like you did a lot of the right things to prepare for your puppy, but living with a puppy those first few months can be harder than many people realize.
Although puppy biting is common she needs to be taught that it is not an acceptable behavior. When our puppy became nippy (which was often in the first month of living with us) we would place her in time out for a few minutes. For us it was a small gated section of the room where she could not hurt herself. She eventually learned that if she wanted our attention biting was not the way to do it. It is also possible that your puppy is overtired and needs a nap.
Also I am a big believer in training classes. Even though I grew up with dogs I still take our puppies to training classes. There is something about being in a group setting that seems to help with the training process. Maybe it’s just being around other people who are going through the same thing at the same time. Or the fact that there is a professional that can show you the best way to handle your individual situation. I realize it might be hard to find an in-person class right now. Also talk to your vet to decide when is the right time to start classes.
Good luck and remember to talk to someone if it gets to be too much.
Bonnie
Lauren says
So good to read you and others’ experiences in the comments.
We just got a puppy two and a half weeks ago, and it’s been super hard.
He really is hyper and needs so much attention – maybe because he’s an Aussie or are they all like that?
His favorite thing is to destroy everything and cry in his crate when it’s nap time.
I really wanted a puppy, and like you thought it would take away the stress (even my therapist said pets are amazing for coregulation), but until now it’s just been the opposite. He scratched me so hard I started bleeding and bit me somewhere it really hurts.
Recently we have hired a trainer and it’s helped a little. But the reality of having to deal with all of that everyday is anxiety provoking for me.
My partner is the one who takes the most care of him – I feel like I really don’t want to hang out with him that much, although I can assure you I’m a committed person! Very strange to feel that way.
Along that I have so many nightmares and the main theme is that something happens to him and it’s my fault.
Anyways, I am really not enjoying this whole puppy thing and it’s crossed my mind several times to give him away (to a great home of course). Maybe I am more of a cat person? I honestly don’t know if it’s puppy blues or if dogs aren’t my thing after all 🙁
Bonnie says
Hi Lauren,
The first few weeks are always the hardest. It generally gets better. I think the feeling of wanting to get away from the puppy is pretty normal. It’s great that you have help that allows you to do that.
I have never had an Aussie but I understand they are a high energy breed. Our English Springer Spaniel was like that. She needed lots are exercise. We had a big yard that she would run circles around to get out her energy. If you are not already doing this, I would suggest you limit where he can roam in the house to a safe place that is free from things that can hurt him. That will cut down on what he can destroy. As he gets older and calms down you can give him more freedom.
I can totally relate to the fear of something happening to him. I think my dog was half goat when she was a puppy. I was terrified she would eat something that would kill her. Now it is rare that she does anything bad.
Thank you for stopping by. It’s always nice to hear that the article is a help to people.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Bonnie
Michelle says
Thanks for writing this, I keep coming back to it and re-reading after 1 1/2 weeks of owning my lab puppy. It is very hard and I’ve had a kid! I’m just trying to remember that it’s a pet, not a human! The worst is when people tell you “oh it takes 2-3 years before they start calming down” and I just freak out!
Bonnie says
Hi Michelle,
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Although Labs will still have a lot of energy they should stop the biting, chewing and the general bad behaviors long before 2 years old. Exercise will be the key. For me with each month they aged it got a little easier.
Best wishes!
Bonnie